Resources
Retrouvaille is a weekend and the months that follow it. It is not the only help there is, and it is not the right help for every hour. What follows is the rest: the numbers that answer at 3am, the books couples keep recommending to each other, and the Retrouvaille materials themselves.
Numbers that answer around the clock, and one that answers most of the day.
02Ten titles, most of them findable at any Phoenix library branch.
03A Phoenix metro directory the community is putting together now.
04What the international program publishes, straight from the source.
If you need help today
Retrouvaille is peer ministry run by volunteer couples. We are not a crisis line, we are not counselors, and nobody here is trained for an emergency. If tonight is an emergency, the people below are. Every number was checked against the organization that owns it.
If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
For thoughts of suicide, a mental health emergency, or a night that has stopped feeling survivable. Free, confidential, and answered 24 hours a day, every day.
Chat instead at 988lifeline.org. Veterans press 1. Spanish press 2.
For anyone living with abuse, whether it is physical or not. Advocates answer 24 hours a day and will talk through options without telling you what to do.
Or text START to 88788. More at thehotline.org. Deaf and hard of hearing video phone: 855-812-1001.
The same kind of support as a crisis call, in writing. Useful when you cannot say it out loud, or when someone else is in the room. Answered 24 hours a day.
Also on WhatsApp: send CONNECT to +1 443-787-7678.
The statewide referral line for everything a family in trouble actually needs: rent and utility help, food, shelter, legal aid, childcare, low cost counseling.
Or 877-211-8661 from any phone. Live help 9am to 7pm daily, English and Spanish. Search anytime at 211arizona.org.
Retrouvaille of Arizona does not run any of these services and cannot see who contacts them. Calling one of them has nothing to do with whether you register for a weekend.
Recommended reading
None of these will fix a marriage on their own, and no book replaces the weekend. What they do is give you language for what is happening, which is often the thing missing. Most are in the Phoenix, Maricopa County and Mesa library systems, so start there before you buy anything.
Dr. Sue Johnson
Seven conversations that get underneath the argument you keep having. Johnson's work on attachment explains why two people who love each other can hurt each other so precisely. The one most couples say they wish they had read first.
Matthew Kelly
Closeness as something you build in stages rather than something you either have or do not. Written from a Catholic perspective and readable by anyone. Good for a marriage that has gone quiet rather than loud.
Emerson Eggerichs
The cycle where she needs to feel loved, he needs to feel respected, and neither one gives it until they get it. Naming that loop is what makes this book useful, whatever you make of the rest of it.
Gary Chapman
Short, plain, and the reason many couples finally understand that effort was being made all along in a currency the other person does not spend. Read it in an evening.
Michael J. McManus
The case for couples helping couples, written by the journalist who spent his career on it. Retrouvaille appears in these pages. If you want to understand why a peer program can reach people counseling did not, this is the argument.
Dr. John Gottman
Four decades of watching real couples in a lab, boiled down to what actually predicts whether a marriage lasts. Contempt is the one to watch for. The exercises are worth doing on paper.
Michele Weiner-Davis
For the spouse who wants to save it while the other one has a foot out the door. Practical, unsentimental, and squarely aimed at the situation most couples are in the week they first hear about Retrouvaille.
Henry Cloud and John Townsend
Where one person ends and the other begins, and why a marriage with no lines in it tends to collapse rather than merge. Especially useful where resentment has been building for years.
Markman, Stanley and Blumberg
A conflict manual with actual research behind it. Teaches a structured way to have the hard conversation so it ends somewhere instead of escalating. Close cousin to the dialogue method used on a Retrouvaille weekend.
Timothy Keller
The bigger question underneath the daily one: what marriage is actually for. Christian in frame, honest about the cost, and a steadying read when you are trying to decide whether any of this is worth the work.
These are suggestions from couples in this community, not endorsements or clinical advice, and Retrouvaille of Arizona earns nothing from any of them.
Local counselors
Retrouvaille is not counseling and never has been. Plenty of couples do both, and the ones who do usually want a counselor who will work toward the marriage rather than assume it is over.
We are putting together a directory of marriage friendly counselors across the Phoenix metro area: Phoenix, Mesa, Chandler, Gilbert, Tempe, Scottsdale and Queen Creek. Check back soon.
Until it is here, call 602-254-6723 and a couple will tell you who other couples have gone to. Arizona 2-1-1 also keeps a list of low cost counseling by zip code.
We are looking for licensed counselors and therapists in the Valley who work with marriages in crisis and who understand what a couple is doing when they choose to stay and try.
Send a name to phoenix@helpourmarriage.org. Counselors themselves are welcome to write, and the clergy page covers how referrals work.
From the program itself
Retrouvaille of Arizona is one community inside Retrouvaille International, which has run this program since 1977. The pages below are theirs. Everything a couple is given on a weekend is handed out in person, so the public material is background rather than workbook.
The weekend, the post sessions and the ongoing community, described by the people who built it. Read this alongside our own program page.
The international FAQ, useful when you want an answer that is not coming from the community asking you to register. Our questions page covers Phoenix specifics.
Every Retrouvaille community in the United States and Canada, with dates and local contacts. Registration for Phoenix weekends runs through here too.
Accounts from across the program, in their own words. Stories of hope collects the Arizona ones.
What Retrouvaille is and is not, written for professionals deciding whether to refer a couple. Worth handing to a counselor who has not heard of it.
Referral guidance from the international program. Our clergy page adds bulletin copy and the language that works from the pulpit.
The national help line is 1-800-470-2230. For anything about a Phoenix weekend, call us instead at 602-254-6723. We answer faster and we know the local dates.
Still not sure where to start
You do not have to have read anything, decided anything, or told anyone. Call and ask whatever you want. The couple who answers has been where you are.
602-254-6723